Honestly Here

“To whom much is given much is required.” This quote was plastered right over my junior high school auditorium stage where we held most of our theatrical shows and dances quarterly. My junior high school was a gifted and talented performance arts school so we spent a lot of time in that auditorium (shoutout my SchuylerHeads!). To say I have read that quote more than 1000 times back then would be an understatement, but to tell you that I am NOW OVER-Standing what it actually means is nothing more than a fact.

Its so many  days I do not want to get out of bed or be bothered with not only my own responsibilities but the responsibilities of my workload that happens to be filled with dying patients and their needy families that of course require my undivided attention despite it being 725 in the morning. I am built for this. Words I usually whisper to myself as I crawl out of bed but am I really? I didn’t ask for any of this shit. You know what I did ask for? Titi’s.Still waiting on those bad boys to grow up to today!

Its so many days that I hear how much I inspire others. My strength, my work ethic, my resilence all used as a source of fuel for someone else’s life in some way and to be brutally honest, I don’t want to inspire anyone. It is amazing that my journey, my heartaches, my struggles are being used to fuel someone in a positive light but I would rather it not. Its not to say I DO NOT want to be a form of inspiration, but after you have taken what you wanted from me, what does that leave me with? 99% of the time, the inspired person barely leaves a thank you note on the now shriveled up source of inspiration. I despise being a source of inspiration. Maybe I feel this way because I am in a “funk” right now, but, I would rather just live my life without having people scrutinize it and then take a piece of it and run.

My daughter is the only reason why I wake up happy to be here. The only reason. Not even Polo because lately he has been shitting everywhere and I am just ready for him to pack his bags and go. I have noticed people have used my daughter and I relationship as a source of inspiration as well. I can’t stand it LOL. I really can’t. It sucks because I know my purpose is to help others which I know my professional work definitely does, like hello, Kendiskorner.com, but to hear my personal strength is glorified gets me so upset and I do not know why.

People with bigger purposes always have the journey with the most turns and bumps along the way. I would be lying if I say I am up for the challenge because there is not much more I can take at this point but…To whom much is given…much is required…The Marathon Continues…

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